Beer, Red Sox Bars & Fights... Oh My...

Well last night was a roller coaster of fun...

It started out with my bestess friend Dave coming round to pick me up so we could celebrate his return to NYC. We hugged and did the mushy friend things... ahem... nuff said on that. So he showed me some really great (not in the hurray kinda way) pictures of the damage done in New Orleans and he he cleared up some stuff that had me confused about the whole situation down there.

So were on our way to Kenney's bar (Ken who Dave works with now and who was in our EMT class), now the problem with where Ken works is that it's a fucking disgusting Red Sox bar. Now I know there is such a thing as hell and that bar is a small corner of it. The bar tender had a Yankee Suck shirt on. Needless to say I was ready to pick a fight. Cock sucking red sox fans... Like I told Soto... I was there to class up the joint. So it's Dave, Saltzman, Soto, Dana (a girl they work with), her friend Jolie, Kenney, his friend mark, me and later on in the evening Ken's friend Alex. Before I go on I just wanna say that the women in this part of Manhattan (E. 86 & 1st Ave) are absolutely to die for. They all look like they stepped of a cover of Vogue. Mmm I was in eye heaven... So much breastage... Anyways, so were sitting in the front room everyone is having a good time, Dave is getting plastered, which by the way I'm proud of him and me, him for getting so FUCKED UP that he couldn't drive and me for only having 3 beers and a shot of whiskey the whole night. It's open season on women between us. Salty is CB'ing (Cock Blocking) on that Jolie chick, Kenney is also trying to hit that as well as Soto, but in the end I guess she liked Saltzman the most cause he got the number... But anyways, were all trying to get Dave some puntang with the whole, "Hey my friend just got back from being in New Orleans... Yeah he was down there with the relief effort..." Yes, I know we're shameless disgusting fucks for using N.O. as a means for ass but we wouldn't be Americans if we didn't. So when that didn't work we just were left with looking at all da pretty ladies... Finally, around 3:30 a.m. Kenney cleared out the back room for us to play Beer Pong and that's where the night took a HUGE nose dive.

Dave was too plastered to play, Salty was just chilling smoking and talking to that Jolie girl, and I was left to watch things unfold. Soto & Alex were on one team and Kenney and that Jolie girl were on another, now mind Kenney not only flashed his little firecracker, but then he turns around and moons us and makes his ass cheeks sing, so basically I now know how many wrinkles Kenney has on his asshole... Sorry I just gagged. I guess there was too much testosterone flying around and the competitiveness was as thick as a fart after drinking milk, so one thing leads to another and all of a sudden Kenny throws water at Soto. Now some of the water hits me, making me look like I just peed myself... So anyways there goes Kenney and Soto having a water fight. Now the funniest thing is that Soto literally picks up Alex and uses him as a human shield. Then they start throwing beer at each other and Soto runs out to come around through the front of the bar, so we're all laughing and yucking it up and Soto comes around and is saying "hahaha ok you got me" or something to that effect and then the next thing I remember is Kenney throwing more water at Soto with a pitcher and then Soto is slugging Kenney with the pitcher and then Kenney throws the pitcher at Soto and it broke because of the force it was thrown with. So Soto grabs this glass of beer and then Dana (who by the way throughout all this ran outside with her friend) goes up to Soto and just says "Don't" and then Salty pops up like a mushroom and just says all sternly, "If I get beer on me I'm gonna hurt you." So Soto goes up to Kenney and put the glass over his head and Kenneys like "Do it and I'm gonna hit you" and I see the the cup flip over and pour that nasty beer all over Kenneys head. So of course Ken grabs Soto and fish hooks him and I see Ken's paw curl into a fist and raises up, now you could tell he was still deciding if he was gonna hit him and at that point Dave, Alex and I all jumped in the middle and start trying to pull them apart and of course like two roosters they each have to puff out their chests (which, if I were in the same position, would have done too) and keep trying to punch each other.

Finally we separate them and I go outside with Soto and Dave goes with Ken. So I'm trying to talk to Soto and there Kenney on the corner and boom there they go again... So Dave is trying to hold off Ken while I'm holding off Soto. I look back to see where Kens at and I see him push Dave out of his way, now Kenney is a big fucking guy and Dave is kinda small next to him so you can imagine how far back David went with the shove, so in my mind my first and only responsibility is to Dave I thinking he's gonna hit Dave (which he really didn't) so I go running off to Kenney to grab him and I guess cause I'm a girl he stopped and I ordered him to go back to the bar and I took Soto with me to the diner down the block.

So after allllllll that fucking drama, they made up later on like the good girls that they are and now, hopefully everything is all right.

Now for the really nerve wracking part, I had to drive Salty, Soto and myself home cause Dave was too fucked up. In fact he was so drunk that he slept in his car for while.

So kiddies, the moral of the story is... Don't go to Red Sox bars in New York City, it just ain't right.